Learn to listen.

I've always fancied myself a good listener. Absorbing the intricate details of a story, a problem, or instruction. Responding by empathizing and affirming. Suggesting opportunities that could help solve problems. Building on thoughts. Providing another point of insight. Recently however, I've come to realize through reflective discussions with colleagues that listening is a skill I could improve upon. And looking at those around me, this is a skill many could refine.

I often revisit the saying "Don't hear. Listen" - always thinking I lived and breathed this ideology. At times, I believe I do. At times, I believe most people do. But in today's day and age, people are often hearing. They are listening just enough to formulate their response, or losing focus if the topic doesn't particularly interest them. In the end, they're missing out. We live in a world that encourages voicing your opinion, highlighting what you think is right, important, or even beautiful. We're so preoccupied with wanting to share, that we lose growing from others.

My mother relayed a story of a restorative meeting she attended that was focused on mending issues within an organization to which she belonged. During this meeting, the participants sat in a circle and utilized a conch shell as the 'speaking baton' and only those who held the conch were able to speak (Lord of the Flies, anyone?). The interesting twist was that the conch had to move in the order of the circle. If a participant said something you had an immediate reaction to, you had to wait your turn to rebut, forcing you to hear multiple points of view before expressing your own. She admitted it was a challenge. It felt unnatural and at times aggravating, but she also heard some members of the group speak that had never volunteered to in the past. Maybe because they knew others weren't ready to listen.

I have the fortunate opportunity to work with a dynamic cast of creatives that bring unique talents and perspectives to the work we collaborate on. Two of these individuals, the team at Floating Home Films, have had a huge impact on evaluating how I listen. They know when to ask the right questions, and when to let someone expand on their thoughts. Through this process, they often learn things that others may not. I strive to polish my abilities to mirror this level of listening, to reduce the need to explicitly share my thoughts, inherently learning more from others.

So how do you actively listen? Some of the following tips may help you dig deeper into what someone else is thinking, and learn things to enrich your life:

• Focus your brain

The groceries aren't purchased. The laundry isn't done. There's 132 unread emails in your inbox. While all of these things are deserving of your attention, when you're in a conversation you need to let them fall away. No one wants to be the person who says 'wait what?' because you may have missed something (I've been here one too many times...). Listen to what the person is saying and think about what they may not be saying. if you're going to think ahead, think of what your next question might be. How can you learn more?

• Make eye contact

While this may seem obvious, it is something that seems to make many people nervous, but making eye contact not only lets the person know that you are listening, but forces you to remain engaged.

• Avoid distractions

In an era of phone attachment, it seems to always be inches away. Put it away. Let your attention be focused on the conversation you're involved in.

• Watch your body language

Folding your arms. Twiddling your thumbs. Stretching. All can portray that you'd rather be anywhere else. Relax and face the person you're speaking to. If you're comfortable, they'll be comfortable-- and more willing to open up.

• Remain encouraging

You may be itching inside to share your thought, opinion, or suggestion, but let the other person finish. Nod and utilize expressions to engage without cutting someone off. Your level of patience may prompt them to share something they may have bit their tongue about.

Some of these points may feel fairly obvious, but the next time you're in a conversation check yourself. Are you doing all of these things? Are you walking away fully understanding the other person? What their needs, concerns, hopes, dreams, or thoughts are? If not, maybe it's time to look at sharpening your own listening skills. You'd be surprised what you can learn and how you can grow when you take a moment to quiet the spinning thoughts in your own brain to truly listen to another.

And hey, simply listening to constructive criticism may be one place to start. It worked for me.